Home » Poems » Silent One » Borderline Personality Dodoitsu

Silent One | + Follow Poet |

Borderline Personality Dodoitsu

Poet's Notes

(Show)

Become a Premium Member and post notes and photos about your poem like Silent One.

For Ink Empress's Dodoitsu contest

The Dodoitsu is a fixed folk song form of Japanese origin and is often about love or humor. It has 26 syllables made of of four lines of 7, 7, 7, 5 syllables respectively. It is unrhymed and non-metrical.

We Are All the Same Listen to the reeds as they sway apart; Hear them speak of lost friends. At birth, you were cut from your bed, Crying and grasping in separation. Everyone listens, knowing your song. You yearn for others who know your name, And the words to your lament. We are all the same, all the same, Longing to find our way back; Back to the one, back to the only one. Rumi When songs are sung in tandem Ambience of speech is smooth Devoted eyes dote your voice Obsessed puppy love When words echo tender tones Glowing like sapphire gemstones Not veiled behind metaphors Tranquil tongue sounds calm As triggers summon demons Vivid verses turn vicious Rage screams like a million crows Heart shudders with fear Soul struggles to beat and breathe Pain feels like paper in rain Silence is your only guide Lonely sepulchre Eruptions begin to ease An anthem of angels chant Rainbows colour fading greys Lovebirds serenade

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Bj Legros Kelley

Date: 10/28/2023 2:50:00 PM

This is incredible SO. If we could all just realize, we all are struggling with our emotions. Your amazing pen blows my mind, you write so well.

B. Joseph Fitzsimons

Date: 10/24/2023 11:23:00 AM

This is a really neat form, thanks for introducing it to me with this awesome poem.

Sotto Poet

Date: 10/24/2023 7:09:00 AM

What an enthralling and well-crafted Dodoitsu. You have done a wonderful job at conveying the roller coaster ride of emotions that characterizes borderline personality disorder. Your imagery is spot on, Congratulations on your top win.

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 10/24/2023 5:53:00 AM

Wow, Silent! A fave… When songs are sung in tandem…3rd verse is a powerhouse…lonely sepulchre…love the easing and the lovebirds serenade! Congratulations!

Hiya Sharma

Date: 10/24/2023 5:10:00 AM

Heartiest congratulations to you on the well deserved win, Silent One, this is truly an evocative take, amazingly crafted :)

Ink Empress

Date: 10/24/2023 2:49:00 AM

Ahh silent one! Thats actually one of my favourite songs! And this songs fits the poem theme that you’ve gone for BPD! Cus it is about bpd, the song! And you kno very well how much i would be in awe of this dodoitsu and how creative of you to name it bp-dodoitsu! You have a very innovative mind! I love how you’ve shown the phases of a bpd relations, from obsession/puppy love, and beauty of the moment and expression to triggers and silence to again serenading as love birds! How clever! Being in

Ink Empress
Date: 10/24/2023 2:53:00 AM

A relationship with someone who has bpd can be very challenging for all the reasons and more that you’ve described here vividly and concisely in a very poetic manner! Whilst ensuring your syllables are intact! I really love the alliterations and your choice of word and how you’ve paired them and articulated your verses! My fave is the third part and last as well as “ pain feels like paper in rain” “ silence..” lonely sepulchre” that fight or flight moment, splitting so well delivered! I can praise all day! So let me fave this and say! CONGRATULATIONS on winning! Thank u for writing

Beryl Edmonds

Date: 10/22/2023 5:59:00 PM

A wonderful Dodoitsu Silent One, every line’s captivating … Belle

Maria Williams

Date: 10/21/2023 9:24:00 PM

I'm unfamiliar with this form, and I should be, I certainly have enough Japanese friends around. Lol. However brilliant as always. Hugs

Maria Williams
Date: 10/21/2023 9:24:00 PM

I love the song choice.

Mat Ignacio

Date: 10/21/2023 9:05:00 PM

Delicate, bold, engaging, a pleasure to read.

Bill Baker

Date: 10/21/2023 4:48:00 PM

I FAVed this one, Silent One. Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.

Bill Baker

Date: 10/21/2023 4:46:00 PM

Your voice fits this form well, my friend. The intro video and song set the tone and your poetry brought it home. I long to write as you do, Silent One. To let my passion and deep sense of longing and fulfillment to flow through my poetry as yours does. You are very gifted, Silent One. The lines and verses flow smoothly as we process each new emotion you share with us. Your Rumi quotes are also well selected and a great enhancement to your poetic expression. I have several Rumi books.

Sand Blown

Date: 10/21/2023 2:42:00 PM

...wowza.....your write be an inspire-ring of words.....stan

Evelyn Judy Buehler

Date: 10/21/2023 1:33:00 PM

Beautiful, engrossing verses, Silent One! An awesome contest contender. Good luck. :)

Malabika Ray Choudhury

Date: 10/21/2023 10:31:00 AM

Wow! Exquisite Dodoitsu! For Ink’s contest, I wrote only one stanza - I thought that was the expectation! Then I wanted to try this form for Constance - and chose the theme “Journal”. Thanks for stopping by…love to read your poems…get inspired!

Vijay Pandit

Date: 10/21/2023 5:53:00 AM

As triggers summon demons Vivid verses turn vicious Rage screams like a million crows Heart shudders with fear---Soul struggles to beat and breathe--Perfectly described, SO. Your poem gives voice and meaning to those suffering. Splendidly emotive, write. Your Rumi quote aptly to the point.

Sara Etgen-Baker

Date: 10/21/2023 4:23:00 AM

Wow! What a captivating and magnificently constructed Dodoitsu. You've beautifully given us a view of what BPD feels like, the torment of the ups and downs and the emotions. Your imagery is perfect. Am faving this one for sure. Best wishes with the contest. Hugs, Sara

Charles Messina

Date: 10/21/2023 3:39:00 AM

Awesome, S1. "Rage screams like a million crows" Love that line! BOL in the contest.

Hiya Sharma

Date: 10/21/2023 2:16:00 AM

This is an outstanding poem for the dodoitsu contest! I especially am awestruck how precisely you've showed the dimension for a person suffering with BPD & the way emotions transitioned here from the 3rd dodoitsu, woah, it feels like a rollercoaster.. Everyone soothing and tranquil suddenly transforms to ravenous sounds of ache and anxiety owing to the demonic triggers. Your wordplay is absolutely amazing here, so impactful.. Love the word-choices.. And alliterations make this flow very well..

Hiya Sharma
Date: 10/21/2023 2:19:00 AM

"Soul struggles to beat and breathe","Pain feels like paper in rain", "An anthem of angels chant", " Rainbows colour fading greys", "Rage screams like a million crows" So brilliantly phrased, very poignant.. "Heart shudders with fear" Ah, one can actually feel that pain..so many impeccable lines here. Absolutely loved reading this as always, a fav for me.. Somehow, resonated deeply too.