Blueprints To My Thoughts

I'll type here what my prayers have been to God since the day after the car show at airport, Eyes don't lie, window to soul, can't deny, it kills me to read another questions if this love is a lie, for me, not a fraction of whatever math wiz, but alive, butterflies, goose bumps, forehead kisses, Faith foundation, must have prayed a million times for guidance and what I remain frozen over, trying to right my sins and what weights me down, this love is all that lifts me up, and to state how exactly i feel or felt at times, chiefs Game, 9 shots ring, mad at self, I don't believe ever to be fronting like one poem suggest, always sort of the class clown, made dough, you see not one of my workers around much less even inquire about me, that's ok, even if I walk the lowest as my destiny, emails for two years with new numbers, new dates, yes, I guess I no longer believe in what they promise, as no one I don't believe would if to add them up over two years and being 5000 plus times they're dates and predictions only proved not the truth or something I was doing. Seeking God, the devil came harder. Being quiet, I knew God to have to change me or it to take the and when I am restored it to happen automatically, idk, I could go on, but my brain and all is tired, no computer just a loser by all measure, but I'll figure it out, if one true love is for me and all of this out of love, a call please, and much of which seems to hate my spirit, saying I'm scum of earth and feeling like just the opposite, keeps me hurt inside, but as guinuine as I may be, I only know love. Im sorry, truly, I am.