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Blue-Eyed Ghazal

When you'll leaves us please look up my sweetest Beatrice, and simply look in her blue eyes , Say I love her, say I breath her say I'll never cease, while you look in her blue eyes, I can talk of Beatrice, I can sing of her for hours, If you find her where she dwells, I know there must be peace, cherish look in her blue eyes, Sing: »He gave you all his love not merely grant you lease!«, love the look in her blue eyes , Can you aid a lonely soul? Dear is that within you powers? You will surely find her, she's so soft and warm as fleece, when you look in her blue eyes, Careful be for Peter Saint wrote doleful word: »decease«, on the look in her blue eyes,

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Pashang Salehi

Date: 6/4/2016 12:22:00 PM

Hello Peter, In your poem "look in her blue eyes" is the refrain. Your Ghazal lacks rhyming pattern and Radeef (in your case the first line " simply") ( " ly" or "ply" mply" should rhyme throughout of your poem) The poetry soup has a good definition and even a better example for this style of poetry. A ghazal may or may not have a maqta or refrain. ...

Pashang Salehi
Date: 6/5/2016 1:25:00 AM

Hello Peter, The Ghazal is Persian, it came from the Arabic verse form called qasida. (qasida, is very long) Ghazal is short and must be about Love or pain and sorrow. Ghazal is ambiguous in nature. A traditional Ghazal consists of five to fifteen couplets, typically seven. I do have few ghazals, you’re welcome to check them out.

Peter Rangus
Date: 6/4/2016 12:44:00 PM

Hey Pashang. Thanks for the feed-back. I'm still new with the ghazals, experimenting etc. The rhyme I had in mind, is Beatrice-cease, peace etc. I originally planed to have simply look in her blue eyes as the refrain, but I deviated a bit from the form as I believe it made the poem better. I hope i didn't "destroy" the form to much :)