Derek Chos Poet Prose

Blank Peace

It's getting harder to pick out the right words
When these new emotions are too strong to comprehend
I thought I'd fought a thousand wars
And lived as an unlikely veteran

And so I did
Peacetime paradise is a stranger war
When stillness and blankness are what we sought
It's strange to suffer with those prizes

And so I cried 30,000 feet in the air
High above the cityscapes I've never walked
When fear, anxiety and sadness all crashed over me
As a smiling face gave me that cup of water

Have I had such a sweet taste of water?
I'm sure this wasn't the best I've had even this year
But a rivulet of liquid brought forth more
And I sobbed out that entire cup

Its truly what I needed to enjoy such blank peace
Where I otherwise would've shaken myself to bits
And injured more than just myself
Selfishness unwittingly disguised as self-preservation

And so a wonderful week passed
And 30,000 feet in the air, I cried again
Missing my comrade I can only see twice a year
The cause and cure of so much self-doubt

So welcome home, you wreck of a man
Slip into your old habits that'll leave you needing another blessed cup
But never forget those salty streaks
That cursed your cheeks when you reunited 

No matter how much it hurts
You know what it is you need to do
So let yourself drink as deeply as you need to
And indulge in that antidote that burned so sweetly.

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