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Bitter Coffee

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Through tinted glass, I see cars have lined up outside, like a java-thirsty snake who waits to strike at the employee working the drive-through window. I take a last dreg of coffee, then vacate the table for another caffeine addict to indulge in some dark-roast creation, while reaching into my purse for keys. Someone touches my shoulder and I turn. Out of aromatic filled haze, her soft voice speaks into my ear, using my maiden name, which seems foreign to my own ears. It comes as a riddle, with question mark at the end, as if it were floating inside a bubble. dust motes mingle with the steam of French roast coffee.... someone drops a spoon She slips into the empty place across from me, and I see familiar, but strikingly older, hazelnut eyes. They hold something unsettling, sad and seem peppered with weight. But she shows me a wan smile buried in a sea of nerves. She was an old friend, a good chum. How long has it been? Just as I am about suggest a plan, a date to meet for lunch, she's running late, and must hurry, and has started closing the gate again. espresso ripples with element of surprise .... an old acquaintance We walk out together, ... I open the door for her, while she carries two capped coffees, and starts to head across the lot. We say a quick goodbye, I take care not to spill her load, as I gently hug her goodbye. She walks away in a rush, climbing into faded red truck. An unsmiling tight-lipped man , reaches over to the inside latch to open the door, that seems to be missing a handle on the outside. I hear a harsh, husky voice ask "What took so long?",.. loud enough that a few people glance their way. She smiles weakly, and doesn't look back to say goodbye. under old tires leaves are crushed into small bits... a whirlwind of dust my cell phone vibrates someone misses me from home .... sun breaks through the clouds _________________ 11/2/15 For Contest: Creative Haibuns Sponsor Charlotte Jade Puddifoot

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015




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Date: 12/1/2015 9:11:00 PM
Very touching and emotional, and absolutely relatable. I have lived and felt this. Apparently, relate-able isn't a word, but I like it and it works. Your talent is brilliantly displayed in this work. Congratulations on your win ... CayCay
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Date: 11/28/2015 3:13:00 PM
Carrie:) A nice and creative win. Love SKAT
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Date: 11/27/2015 4:44:00 PM
An example of fine writing Carrie! Congratulations on your well deserved win!
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Date: 11/27/2015 9:47:00 AM
Beautifully penned, Carrie. Big Kudos on this one.
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Date: 11/26/2015 9:37:00 PM
Back again with big congrats on ur superb win dear Carrie!
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Date: 11/26/2015 9:57:00 AM
Carrie, this is outstanding. I agree with Charlotte's comment below - this is a very contemporary take on haibun, and you wrote it beautifully. I especially like the third haiku. Congrats :)
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Date: 11/26/2015 7:19:00 AM
well, i've just made a coffee to get me through a marathon stint of reading and commenting, so the title is very apt! seriously, the title is a clever one, and the haibun is very contemporary, with an unsettling, dark undertone...[i was unsure about syllables with 'tires', i think it's single syllable, but i've been lenient to allow for the american pronunciation, and i think you were missing an 'a' in front of faded red truck] congrats on your win in my contest!
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Date: 11/3/2015 2:55:00 PM
WOW, love what you did here Carrie... SKAT
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Date: 11/3/2015 1:19:00 AM
Carrie, Among the paragraphs, I love the first one, haiku is one that am not so confident doing... =`) I love your every set!!! and the last haiku!!! wow! this indeed creative and very illustrative! ~Olive Eloisa =`)
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