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Birds I Just Couldn"t Be

BIRDS    I    JUST      COULDN’T      BE
 
 
I couldn’t be a pigeon walking and prancing,
Like black American dancing -
Neck thrusting back and forth quickly
Gives me a headache and makes me sickly

Or a sparrow hopping so much - 
Me,  troubled with joints and such ? -
With my bad arthritic knees? –
Well, not for me,  please.

A canary who  sniffs  in  mines for  smells
And  stays  there for quite long spells
Enjoying the  perfume of  methane ?
Oh,  those yellow fliers -  insane !

I would never be a pterodactyl, no sirs !
Never in a million years !
Flying in the  Cretaceous
Would be stupid, though audacious

My mum would surely scold 
And forbid me to be a duck
(The  wet-feet danger of catching cold
And I can’t swim very well – worse luck)

‘A turkey with a restaurant career?!’
She’d frown on  my ambition.
She’d say, ‘It’s a silly notion -
for a  temp  job it’s very *****,
advertised in  Christmas Food Review.
There’s no future in it.’  She’d stress, 
‘And  don’t be so easy to impress, 
at having a country named for you.’

‘You? - flying geometrically with  geese?’
she’d say, ‘Always in V – why not  S  or  F?
You’re one of those rebel kind of guys.
You should think for yourself !’ 

Yes,  I   would  consider being for a day
A parrot with exotic plumage, but how
Tiring being always made to say 
Oh, who’s a pretty boy now?


The real nightmare would be if  I
Was an ostrich, ( that  cannot  fly).
The guys sit around chugging bird-beer 
Boasting of chicks they’ve  held dear
And tales of diving and soaring -
But my earthbound  tail is boring.
They exclude me because I’m absurd -
I’m  not a real bird…..a bird’s bird.
 

No  if there is reincarnation later,
I want to be a  penguin, a wearer
Of  a smart suit like a posh  waiter,
With a kick-ass name like Emperor.
Even mum would find the idea bold:
A story for other birds to be told.
Yes, my  bird-cred  card would be gold,
Enjoying the Antarctic cold.

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