Birds I Just Couldn"t Be

BIRDS I JUST COULDN’T BE I couldn’t be a pigeon walking and prancing, Like black American dancing - Neck thrusting back and forth quickly Gives me a headache and makes me sickly Or a sparrow hopping so much - Me, troubled with joints and such ? - With my bad arthritic knees? – Well, not for me, please. A canary who sniffs in mines for smells And stays there for quite long spells Enjoying the perfume of methane ? Oh, those yellow fliers - insane ! I would never be a pterodactyl, no sirs ! Never in a million years ! Flying in the Cretaceous Would be stupid, though audacious My mum would surely scold And forbid me to be a duck (The wet-feet danger of catching cold And I can’t swim very well – worse luck) ‘A turkey with a restaurant career?!’ She’d frown on my ambition. She’d say, ‘It’s a silly notion - for a temp job it’s very *****, advertised in Christmas Food Review. There’s no future in it.’ She’d stress, ‘And don’t be so easy to impress, at having a country named for you.’ ‘You? - flying geometrically with geese?’ she’d say, ‘Always in V – why not S or F? You’re one of those rebel kind of guys. You should think for yourself !’ Yes, I would consider being for a day A parrot with exotic plumage, but how Tiring being always made to say Oh, who’s a pretty boy now? The real nightmare would be if I Was an ostrich, ( that cannot fly). The guys sit around chugging bird-beer Boasting of chicks they’ve held dear And tales of diving and soaring - But my earthbound tail is boring. They exclude me because I’m absurd - I’m not a real bird…..a bird’s bird. No if there is reincarnation later, I want to be a penguin, a wearer Of a smart suit like a posh waiter, With a kick-ass name like Emperor. Even mum would find the idea bold: A story for other birds to be told. Yes, my bird-cred card would be gold, Enjoying the Antarctic cold.