Being Bad

I don't cuss or smoke, And I don't chew "tabakky"; I don't sniff or dip snuff, Ugh! that stuff is just tacky; I only drink on occasion, Like at sundown and such; I rarely go to casinos Or play the lottery much; I've never had to pay child support Or owed back alimony; I may go shopping for steak But usually bring home baloney; I don't snort or shoot drugs; Have no rings in my nipples; Tried to get a tattoo, once, But couldn't stand all the tickles. Folks who're loaded with vices Seem to have all the fun. Why am I the exception And not have even one? I admit it, I'm dull, And my life's complete boredom. Sure, I'd have vices, too, If I could better afford 'em. The main reason I'm good, And I won't try to fudge it, Is because being bad Is just not in my budget.