Behind the Anger

I’m angry at God, my friends, but mostly myself. Each day, I wake up wondering what my purpose is and why I belong with you, with him, with them Or just why I belong… here. Everyday I walk further… Further away from reality, from happiness, from truth Just to get a moment of silence from the noise of obligation, responsibility and commitment… and all the things I need, but can’t handle. I walk towards darkness, where no one can see the tears, where I can fade away and be forgotten. I live a life in which I am loved so dearly beyond my knowledge… Loved so much that now, they’ll start to hate me. Because everyday that I make it easier on myself, I make it harder on them. And without a word, I know… that they’re hurting inside and when I catch them looking I don’t wanna smile I don’t wanna give them false hope that I’d finally be the person they want me to be. And in my anger, I hope to hide that deep down, I’m hurting too. Because it’ll only hurt them more. I only hurt the ones who love me most So when my eyes meet theirs, I beg for them to hate me Because then, maybe… They can let me go