Behind the Anger

I’m angry
at God, my friends, but mostly
myself. 
Each day, I wake up
wondering what my purpose is
and why I belong
with you, with him, with them
Or just why I belong…
here.
Everyday
I walk further…
Further away from reality,
from happiness,
from truth
Just to get a moment of silence
from the noise of obligation,
responsibility and commitment…
and all the things I need,
but can’t handle.
I walk towards darkness,
where no one can see the tears,
where I can fade away 
and be forgotten.
I live a life in which
I am loved so dearly
beyond my knowledge…
Loved so much that now,
they’ll start to hate me.
Because everyday
that I make it easier on myself,
I make it harder on them.
And without a word, 
I know…
that they’re hurting inside
and when I catch them looking
I don’t wanna smile
I don’t wanna give them false hope
that I’d finally be the person
they want me to be.
And in my anger, I hope to hide
that deep down, I’m hurting too.
Because it’ll only hurt them more.
I only hurt the ones who love me most
So when my eyes meet theirs,
I beg for them to hate me
Because then, maybe…
They can let me go
Copyright © | Year Posted 2008

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March 5, 2009 at 1:25 PM
"I live a life in which I am loved so dearly beyond my knowledge… Loved so much" true words. somebody told me that they almost cried when they read this. i did too. this whole poem speaks to me. good job.
Torres Avatar
September 27, 2008 at 7:13 PM
Melanie- Touching. I feel the pain and Torment. God loves you. Michael
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September 26, 2008 at 5:08 PM
yes it's easier not to care when you no longer love someone, i know that you may be going through some tough times, but be glad that people love and care for you, and learn to love yourself, then maybe you will feel worthy of receiving love, and Jehovah God is never to blame when things go wrong in our lives, this poem is full of love and pain, take care i will keep you in my prayers, D-nyce
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