Behind the Anger
I’m angry
at God, my friends, but mostly
myself.
Each day, I wake up
wondering what my purpose is
and why I belong
with you, with him, with them
Or just why I belong…
here.
Everyday
I walk further…
Further away from reality,
from happiness,
from truth
Just to get a moment of silence
from the noise of obligation,
responsibility and commitment…
and all the things I need,
but can’t handle.
I walk towards darkness,
where no one can see the tears,
where I can fade away
and be forgotten.
I live a life in which
I am loved so dearly
beyond my knowledge…
Loved so much that now,
they’ll start to hate me.
Because everyday
that I make it easier on myself,
I make it harder on them.
And without a word,
I know…
that they’re hurting inside
and when I catch them looking
I don’t wanna smile
I don’t wanna give them false hope
that I’d finally be the person
they want me to be.
And in my anger, I hope to hide
that deep down, I’m hurting too.
Because it’ll only hurt them more.
I only hurt the ones who love me most
So when my eyes meet theirs,
I beg for them to hate me
Because then, maybe…
They can let me go
Copyright © Melanie D | Year Posted 2008
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