Dr. Ivan Edwards Poet Free verse

Before I Leave You, Dear 30s

 Second Letter to Myself — The 30s: Choosing Peace, Pruning Ambition, Anchoring Identity

Dear 30s,
Now, I am 39 — about to leave you.

At 30, I stopped running.
I sat with the silence. I named my scars.
My feet were settling,
and I seemed to know what I wanted
in life.

I was drawing closer to Mom and Dad,
and … a little distance away
from those I originally
thought
were friends.

I developed better discernment.
My vision and hearing improved.
My mind became less noisy.

And something new began…
I was becoming.
Not perfect. Not whole. Just honest.
That was enough.

The 30s. Yup!
Not just a decade.
A reckoning.
An awakening.
A recalibration of everything I thought I knew . . .
about success, love, purpose, and pain.

At 32, I stopped chasing applause.
And started listening to the voice I buried beneath it.
You begin to see yourself.
Not the curated version.
The real one.

Less applause. More alignment.
You stop chasing validation.
Start listening to the quiet voice inside.

Burnout creeps in.
Not because you’re weak —
but because you’ve been strong for too long.

Chronic stress.
Cortisol floods your nights.
Fight-or-flight never shuts off.
Sleep becomes a stranger.

You wake early.
Crash hard.
Crave caffeine and sugar just to stand.

You chase hours, rupees, dollars, and cents.
But your health is not a currency to trade.
It’s sacred.
And it’s slipping.

At 38, I left people who knew my name —
but never my heart.

I learned to fold my ambition gently,
like laundry on a quiet Sunday,
without guilt.

Career pivots.
The job you once worshipped now feels hollow.
You crave meaning.
You crave impact.
You crave rest.

Entrepreneurial sparks flicker.
Side hustles become soul work.
You ask, “Is this the life I chose . . .
or the one I defaulted into?”

Relationships shift.
Some deepen.
Some dissolve.
You prune the friendships that drain.
You invest in the ones that nourish.

Marriage. Parenting.
Legacy.

You start asking, “What will I leave behind?”
Your body changes.
Metabolism slows.
Hormones shift.
Fertility declines.
Insulin resistance rises.

Your adrenal glands scream for mercy.

Spiritually, you evolve.
Faith is no longer inherited.
It’s wrestled with.
Refined.
Reimagined.

Childhood wounds resurface.
Not to haunt . . .
but to be healed.

And through it all,
you begin to understand:
 Your worth isn’t in your hustle.
It’s in your healing.
Your impact isn’t in your output.
It’s in your presence.


(Published - Medium, The Healing Convergence Publication)

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