Beautiful Oblivion

Sit and watch the thin, blank dawn that never quite sweeps you off your feet. Wrestle with memories that don't want to be suppressed, and repress the urge to canon-ball into the ocean. (sinking: sinking slowly, because you never learned how to swim.) Listen to rainbows churning in oil-spill puddles, and wait for the beautiful oblivion to take its toll. Somewhere inside you know things will never be the same again, but that's okay with you, sickening as it seems. (you want to float away into seaweed forests and play fetch with the big, bad wolf.) Dream of living a full, happy life while you tear your world apart. Sell your body to those dark, dank demons in your cerebrum, whimpering and wondering deep into the night. (praying for a chance to show your worth while you still exist.) Sink low beneath the foaming sea, wring out your hands and paint your thighs with scarlet letters. Let the wolves lap the salmonella from your fingertips and wrap yourself in red - lay face down in the snow, don't breathe too deeply: (someone dances in snowflakes nearby.) Watch the thin, blank dusk that never quite sweeps you off your feet. Wish for brazen arms and a warm crook of the neck to rest in. Hug yourself beneath the covers and silently cry; you know now... (no one wants to comfort a girl who craves suffering.) You will never be what anyone wants.