Aubrey Aubrey Aubrey

I have a dream. No, not that kind of dream, a different kind – a girl kind. And no, not that kind either. A love kind. Who is my dreamboat? That would be Aubrey Plaza. Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey. Excuse me while I swoon, *swoon*. It will be the greatest love story ever told, eclipsing even Darla and Alfalfa, and the first chapter begins on an elevator. Aubrey and I reach for the button panel at the same time and our fingers touch. The electricity makes her jump in surprise. I look into her eyes. "Going down?" I ask her. “You couldn't afford me,” she replies. Then I call her a name that starts with a “W” that refers to a soiled dove. She calls me a name that refers to an appendage. Then we burst out in laughter, fall in love, move into a Tribeca brownstone, have sarcastic babies, and live happily ever after.