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Assuming we Survive

Bricks through windshields,
Darts through hanging pictures of me 
And cracks in the photos, framed on the shelf 
But they're not there physically
My trust makes a run for the hills 
As the rumors start to spill 
And I already turned the car around in my head 
But my feet kept trekking forward instead 
But it's not the steps I'm taking, 
It's the cliff I'm headed towards 
And it's not the drama-club romance I'm exaggerating,
It’s the other half of the book that you're not sharing 
Between you and the everest I'm climbing towards, 
The upward resistance leaves me floored 
Between the green and the grave,
Remained the notebook paper I gave to you in which my heart was poured 

This isn't a conversation,
It’s a notification
I’m surrendering to the serenity within the nicknames you call me
It’s a sickness I’m grappling with 
I’m pausing in the realities I keep flowing in between 
For dopamine and admittedly for attention 
“Maybe from a hospital” she said 
The skeletons are snoring in the closet,
My last chance suffocated in a locked garage 
With carbon monoxide oozing from its edges 
But I am the room I confine myself in 
And why does it still feel cool to be doing this?
Like burning cash for a paper tube of toxic ash 
My inner child's praying for an ounce of rebellion 
But why do I still think this is an appealing part of me? 
I've lost my shield to the sirens 
They haunt me with an insidious passion
Come to me with a plan and say “we're doing it my way” 
You have an empty mind bank with a hose for a throat full of words to spray 
Run to the hills and see if I care 
There's too many to die on 
Where I can’t see you defending me over harm 
This isn't what I wanted  
And I can barely even feel you in my arms 
How far am I from going back in time and holding your hand? 
“Maybe from a hospital bed” she said 
But I am the room I confine myself in 
And so what if I have to do it in a gown?!
I like to escape to where I can manifest things 
And in a heartbeat, I could conjure a blinding linoleum floor 
With breath in the form of beeping sounds 
You couldn't even wait until I drifted away 
You couldn’t even wait until I drifted away 
YOU COULDN'T EVEN WAIT UNTIL I DRIFTED AWAY
AND NOTHING I COULD’VE SAID WOULD’VE MADE YOU STAY

But you couldn’t even wait until I drifted away…

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