Assuming we Survive

Bricks through windshields, Darts through hanging pictures of me And cracks in the photos, framed on the shelf But they're not there physically My trust makes a run for the hills As the rumors start to spill And I already turned the car around in my head But my feet kept trekking forward instead But it's not the steps I'm taking, It's the cliff I'm headed towards And it's not the drama-club romance I'm exaggerating, It’s the other half of the book that you're not sharing Between you and the everest I'm climbing towards, The upward resistance leaves me floored Between the green and the grave, Remained the notebook paper I gave to you in which my heart was poured This isn't a conversation, It’s a notification I’m surrendering to the serenity within the nicknames you call me It’s a sickness I’m grappling with I’m pausing in the realities I keep flowing in between For dopamine and admittedly for attention “Maybe from a hospital” she said The skeletons are snoring in the closet, My last chance suffocated in a locked garage With carbon monoxide oozing from its edges But I am the room I confine myself in And why does it still feel cool to be doing this? Like burning cash for a paper tube of toxic ash My inner child's praying for an ounce of rebellion But why do I still think this is an appealing part of me? I've lost my shield to the sirens They haunt me with an insidious passion Come to me with a plan and say “we're doing it my way” You have an empty mind bank with a hose for a throat full of words to spray Run to the hills and see if I care There's too many to die on Where I can’t see you defending me over harm This isn't what I wanted And I can barely even feel you in my arms How far am I from going back in time and holding your hand? “Maybe from a hospital bed” she said But I am the room I confine myself in And so what if I have to do it in a gown?! I like to escape to where I can manifest things And in a heartbeat, I could conjure a blinding linoleum floor With breath in the form of beeping sounds You couldn't even wait until I drifted away You couldn’t even wait until I drifted away YOU COULDN'T EVEN WAIT UNTIL I DRIFTED AWAY AND NOTHING I COULD’VE SAID WOULD’VE MADE YOU STAY But you couldn’t even wait until I drifted away…