Gerald Dillenbeck | + Follow Poet |
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As We Speak

When wandering through a clinical studies program,
I began a practice of writing verbatims,
capturing the essence of conversations
messages
for their therapeutic integrity.

In this frame of mind and heart,
several years ago
I wrote this verbatim
on behalf of my daughter
with oppositional defiant disorder
and cerebral palsy.

Rereading it just now,
I wonder how different
really
are her imagined thoughts from mine
and yours?

in diverse political and economic senses
speaking and listening with each other
across our less than confluent 
health enlightened 
and wealth care 
empowering/disempowering 
polarized unholistic divides:

You asked me to ask when I need help,
and to add a please and thank you,
if at all possible.

I have done that often.

You ask me to ask to hold your hand
when you can't otherwise hear me ask for help.

I am doing that right now.

I am not like you.
I wish I could be,
but I cannot.

I need you to appreciate me for who I am
more than attack me for who I am not,
and probably will never become.

My mind and body work similarly to yours,
but do not produce feelings and faith,
health and happiness,
language and love
as effectively as does your 
LeftBrain verbally privileged
systemically light white trauma
capitalized wellness incorporation.

I worry.
You and yours often make me anxious,
stressed,
confronted by possibilities that I am not fully human
in your indignant eyes 
and monetized mind,
perceived as not only differently abled 
but inferiorly disabled.

I tend to panic.
Frequently your harsh spoken world overwhelms me.
I lose self-control when bombarded 
by too much inside stimulation
from outside competition.

I want time and Earth and life and you and us
to slow peacefully down.

In these anxious situations,
if you want to help me,
then please stop,
slow down with me,
look at me,
wait until I am ready to look back.

Just give me a moment
or two
or three
or a lifetime
to catch up.

If I can trust you to do this,
I and we will be OK.

I will learn to trust that I could be OK,
and I will feel grateful,
occasionally 
to live with you,
to share my life with you
as you share yours with me
and what is mine.

So not yours
to keep away from me.

So give it back
please and thank you.

Copyright © Gerald Dillenbeck | Year Posted 2016

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