Arlington heights and Me

We'd tore into the city traveling over twenty two towns stopping briefly at the Chicago health department so the children and I could received immunizations and Wic coupons women infants and children waiting for the state department to release funds for the train fare on Ashland Ave I was very stressed today the ongoing agony of being with child caring for my four other children today was the day my under cover work would advance to a greater level I suppose as special agent Heimbach who sang my girl to the children while I went into hostage situations his partner special agent Paul brand was a nice female agent she actually connected the wires around my unborn baby whose heart beat I hadn't heard in quite sometime panic attacks shifted my thinking anxiety attacks arouse I remember stopping at the Golden nuggets restaurant on Fullerton they served one chicken wing dressed up to look like four dressed in three celery sticks one of my daughters asked was I going to eat for the baby god only knows there was only one wing for the four of them to share I watched the children simply devour them as I nearly passed out pregnant living in the salvation army on lakeshore drive in Chicago I got up to throw the plates away when my stomach growled suddenly I realized I hadn't eaten I worried rather my fetus was still alive in there I took two of the chicken bones and actually ate them it was then I felt the fetus nudge amazing survival of wearing wires pregnant for the FBI almost like being in Kuwait or Afghanistan wires around my fetus going deep into hostage situations you swallow fear panic and anxiety this is a job you have to get done to save lives why it took years to finally fall apart coping with post traumatic stress disorder anxiety panic poetry it the only thing that truly soothes your senses calms the wrath inside your head while your hands are sweating you are panting for air the room swallows you no more air in this place your anxiety keeps you from leaving your home to face crowded places crowded situations you master alone even though all the crisis signs read you are not alone journaling constantly an yet I'm still here hearing my fetus heart beat over all sounds including fire trucks realizing it's hard to believe that you have a wire tap under your sleeve you crawl you stand you walk you grow you know you go and survive Liberty drive this is my America this is my freedom this is my time for closure healing and peace where my writing poetry shall never cease