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Arjuna

My mind is dark with the thoughts of doom
Shadows of death and miseries loom
I wish I could try and fight
The stench of death and darkness of night

Many thoughts bewilder my soul
My heart bleeds through a jagged hole
Why do I have to kill to live?
Why don’t I have happiness to give?

My heart screams for an explanation
My soul cries for salvation
Why is my hand smeared in blood?
Why is everyone around me dead?

I walk through the graveyard of people I killed
Was this the death that god willed
Why was I the harbinger of death?
Why was it me who laid them to rest?

I live a life that I rather not dare
My nights are an endless nightmare
Why can’t I be released from this living hell?
Why don’t I have someone to tell?

Will I ever escape? Will I ever be free?
Will I ever be pardoned? Will my life ever be merry?
All I ask my God is sanity
All I need from me is humanity

I have killed to live, I have lived to kill
Done acts I am not proud of
Will I ever have peace to gain?
Or will I need death to live again

Tell me lord; am I not your child?
Weren’t they too, because of me who died?
Was it my fault that I had a gun?
Why didn’t I have a place to run?

Questions in my mind abound
My dreams come back at night to hound
My only release I know is death
I hope it comes soon and me it gets

When death smiles at me with all its charms
I will lie with glee in its waiting arms
Then for sure my soul will be free
And those of the people murdered by me.

Copyright © Manoj Kumar | Year Posted 2008

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Anu Nayak Date: 7/31/2015 2:43:00 AM Wow Manoj! Beautiful display of Arjun's mind inside out during the battle of kurukshetra! But it was all" maktub" and he had to give death to his own kaurava relatives... Beautifully put in words! Good poem...gun in ur poem i read as bow though it didn't rhyme so that i got the feel of mahabharatha!!! Keep it up! Love, Anu:-) Login to Reply

Caroline Nagar Date: 10/4/2010 6:24:00 PM Brilliantly written Manoj!!!! Very stark! Didn't know there was a poet hiding in there!!! Login to Reply

Shukravar Shukravar Date: 12/25/2008 1:51:00 AM despite this poem is full of sad feelings,it is well written! Login to Reply

Karam Misra Date: 11/23/2008 5:54:00 PM A very beautiful poem. Tortured indeed is the mind which starts questioning its actions! The poem is full of feeling and am sure many of us go through this type of questioning at sometime or the other - and you need not necessarily be a soldier, assasin or murderer! Good work, Manoj, keep it up! Login to Reply

Janice Scott Date: 11/12/2008 10:16:00 AM Wow! This poem is profound! I assume that either you're a soldier or this poem is about one. I feel deeply for the person this poem was written about and pray the he or she will be fine because every being on this planet has an appointed time. No matter what we do, no matter what we say, none of us will leave this earth until that God appointed day. This is a beautiful and very well written poem. Login to Reply