Are These Sins Holding Me back?

I am wondering why in those gloomy moments lived away from everybody who said prayers I haven't reached any sublime joy... or even the ecstatic feeling of purity that many saints got looking at the magnificent heaven; are these sins holding me back and pushing me down, so I can't rise up and give my praises God? Is the bright angel of light offering me gold? Greed is gratification of the bizarre mind, a persuasive voice demanding loyalty; should one default: all crashes down rapidly along with the intent to do harm, not good. Discontinue your relationship with Satan, or the secretive Illuminati: consider your wealth no longer a lasting treasure, that possession reflected on that look of disgraceful vanity; whoever has been a victim can return to the God of eternity, and He will forget your inequity when showing repentance and a desire to stay free of inequities and reject vengeance. Are these sins holding me back, why haven't I known prosperity? I struggled and filled my basket with stones, not with delicious fruits; I didn't deserve a bountiful harvest: I refused to kneel down and pray: Sin is separation from holiness, a choice that defiles conscience; despair all you want, beat your chest and wail: God will not answer; a meek being is favored over a wealthy one, it's a grand promise never to be broken by the Almighty who holds the hand of the believer.