April Confusion

April happens One out of twelve chances That it has to come each year And it always seems To happen out This way The vast chance The ocean has To roll out over me Is never unwasted, And it finds my raw, used up hands Swelling like cold water Rising in distention And falling like an exhale In the deep Puerto Rico delivers this to me Upon anguishing fingertips And I follow my love in the alley There we share confusing breaths That plunge us like thorns Into ourselves Making us feel foreign April finds me possessed In the reflection of my new heart’s smile And whispering prayers That he might love me And prayers that this drug Won’t snuff me As I’m trying to figure out Why I want him this bad But those pleas can’t help But fall away As our smoky lungs make us tumble into a dream, that food or drink Can try to bear us through My body becomes a claustrophobic cave It’s hard to see, and it’s hard to breathe And It’s hard not being terrified Because my mouth is definitely stuck together And my butter skin is slipping And together we slip, we’re tripping Into some oblivion And I’m Hoping it might soon be over Maybe then I’ll tell you That I love you And that I don’t want you to leave me And that maybe You can save this life I’m risking For a confusing moment next to you God shaped my hollow heart To hope to not be empty And yet April falls upon me As indifferently as the weather tempers trees Tearing branches with green spread leaves Making anything that can be made to be From a loveless sun, a callous sea This is how April’s tide tosses its sleepy back to me Though my bare chest breaks As the dark night sways There’s no more swaying I can do I look to you. Because, my star My constant Spanish song As long as I am strong I will fall for those I love Even when There are only empty alleys To catch me