Apology

I built your effigy out of needles I hugged it, ceaselessly Everytime I thought of you The needles snapped and broke off Now hang from my skin Oozing pus and loathing I carry them with me, to work, to bed Like I carry my hate that I swing like a sword Though the shape is a shield And I hold it under my tongue A capsule of cyanide Begging to self destruct Am I responsible For the hate that slipped from The spaces between one flinch and the next The crack of my jaw when it was held stuck You condensed me until I was blood and pus and needles and fear Do I need to apologise When you try and hug your once little girl And wound yourself? I know, I know I built you out of pain in my head, but Was there any other version I saw? Did I kill the real you? Did I know you? Did you? I think I need to hate you To love someone else Something else