Jay Yeats Poet Free verse

Apology

I built your effigy out of needles
I hugged it, ceaselessly
Everytime I thought of you
The needles snapped and broke off
Now hang from my skin
Oozing pus and loathing

I carry them with me, to work, to bed
Like I carry my hate that
I swing like a sword 
Though the shape is a shield
And I hold it under my tongue
A capsule of cyanide
Begging to self destruct

Am I responsible
For the hate that slipped from
The spaces between one flinch and the next
The crack of my jaw when it was held stuck
You condensed me until I was blood and pus and needles and fear

Do I need to apologise
When you try and hug your once little girl 
And wound yourself?
I know,
I know I built you out of pain in my head, but
Was there any other version I saw?
Did I kill the real you?
Did I know you?
Did you?

I think I need to hate you
To love someone else
Something else

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