Anxiety Monster

You know, some days I will be sitting in class, And wonder who will call on me next? Kind of feels like this snake slithering up my back, Relentlessly savoring the sweat dripping down my spine. Kind of feels like I am at the beach, Everything is going well and I’m finally happy. Then suddenly a ship comes through, And this wave of fear comes over me. You know, I wish I could sit here and say It was only fear… But my parents taught me not to lie, So let me give you the raw truth. Anxiety is worrying about things that happened, Way in the past. Anxiety is laying on your bed all day, Terrified to even move because you may mess up. Anxiety is constant movement of my body, Just to balance out the screaming inside my mind. Anxiety is crying alone in the dark, For fear of telling anyone of our problems. Anxiety is not being able to breath while sitting in class, Because my mind is running so fast my lungs cannot catch up. The only way to attempt a stress relief Is to shift in my chair, back and forth, back and forth. Anxiety isn’t just stress, It is constantly replaying episodes over, over, and over, Until you are so mentally exhausted that sleep Is your only escape. Of course sleep doesn’t come very fast, For the dark allows for more time to think. And when you think you often assume the worst Of an event that hasn’t even happened. Anxiety is pretending everything is perfect, While on the inside your stomach feels like you should be in a horror movie. For letting someone know only causes more anxiety, Because I become worried that you may leave me... You know, the great thing about anxiety Is that we are never alone. Anxiety ranks as one of the most Common disorders. Anxiety is a monster that feeds on weakness, The only way to beat it is to be strong. But how can I be strong when so many people Seem to be judging every single move I make? That may sound irrational, But to me I am remembering how I messed up during a class discussion And how many unhappy faces are present. I feel so much guilt and shame, I never want to leave the peace of my room. Such quiet peace, Such, quiet, quiet, peace.