Angel 4

for me there was no spark
to send fireworks 
into the sky
chemistry was not there
i did not desire
looking at you as a friend
very young immature
handing yourself so readily
to this an older man wiser in the 
eyes of the world
luck i am not a user
in the sence of the word
without drawing a picture
needing distance within oneself
silent words unspoken
clinging to me
please let me go 
if its meant to be
it will never never pass you bye i said
you were my first angel
the hand that took me out of the darkest
deepest of hell
in the time of sleepless night
i prayed for god'smercy
you were so sweet and very beautiful
lost i saw loves sweet beauty
a light began to shine 
i began seeing things differently
one beautiful lady
looking back 
i met you a couple times since 
that day 
i do not think romantically 
about you we are friends
for life guiding me as i do you
we were meant to meet 
i pleaded to god for help 
in the dark madness
he sent light in you 
then christmas eve fell
months later by this time 
i had the all clear 
my mother at my side
the number one of my angels
i went to confessions 
nearly a year after the break up
as i began speaking
with so much hurt in the house of god
i carried the pain of my world 
within this searing ache
breaking down crying
in front of the priest
begging god to forgive me
in not knowing what i had done
i felt the holy spirit enter me
the priest turned to me and said
touched this 
lonely heart so deeply
son god loves
the tears just wailed out of my soul
why in love does it hurt me so much
please god 
of mercy help me understand
son the pain bestowed upon you
was not the sins  of love
love is beautiful
should be cherished 
in gods eyes you love
you carry the sins of another
who bestowed pain 
i left said my prayers
the priest hugged me
i felt a warmness deep inside of me
holy lord i smiled shook the fathers hand
like a massive weight of my shoulders lifted
i went home that night 
a completely different person
i sit in my own pad 
with my loyal friend
my dog buster really i should call him goofy
looking into the night sky 
christmas eve looking at the stars 
i remember it like it was yesterday
clear  crisp cold air 
the stars were so clear
all alone i wished for the world smiling
a happy christmas 
with all the love in my heart 
that was all i had to offer
as god he has a plan for me
the abnormality disappeared
he gave me a miracle 
another of my many chances
in my chronicles of life 
this was the night of my awakening 
call

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