And I Cried Like a Girl

And I cried like a girl when a body is pulled out of a river, or the sea,” it’s just like a big piece of soap” my dad told me, a police-man for thirty years who battled drunken Scotsmen and the cost of living and brought us all up and he told me he could drive drunk because he had “the badge of immunity” because they all looked after each other (as if we didn’t know) then, he began to die and it took a long time covered in sores and oxygen to die (Jesus!) and he looked at me and said,” this is what you’ve got to look forward to” then he added “when we were young we were afraid of no man”, and he sucked desperately at the oxygen and his face was red and puffed and I wanted to call out “dad! dad!” and he lay in a river of pillows (like a Viking) but he was dead and I cried like a girl and kissed my brother and mum and sisters and my brother’s crew cut was spiky my sisters and mum’s hair was soft and perfumed and police men are looking younger and they pull soap out of rivers, make love and get drunk and fight everyone … and then one day they lie in a river of pillows and say “we were afraid of no man”