An Explosion of Sadness
Damn I knew that one day it would all build up,
and I would let it all out.
I knew that my heart was too fragile to carry such burden around,
and now I witnessed such a phase of sorrow.
In the car barreling down the highway,
with the radio up on MAX I stopped at a red light,
and I let go of the brake and floored it.
Through traffic and cars and trucks, SUVs crashing into each other,
as I pushed the pedal down to the floor of the car,
and I lost my breathe and I was sweating with fear and sadness,
I became a monster,
my brain lost it,
my heart became faint,
my kidneys feel to my knees,
and my stomach started to bleed.
My lungs, dead from holding my breath for too long,
it was a tragedy gasping for air,
as the sweat poured down my face;
I let two years of pain, heartache, love, hate, and secret emotion
out in front of the world to see.
The steering wheel was my punching bag,
and the radio was my soother,
as I couldn't take the pain of driving down the same road everyday
where we used to drive down and hold hands,
and we'd love each other;
I couldn't take the smiles anymore.
It hurt me,
It killed me,
and if I let if bottle up a little more,
-I would probably not be writing this poem then.
I couldn't take the voices of the past that were haunting me,
whisper in my head anymore,
those old places that once held good memories,
I wished they'd burn to the ground,
and those people, who I wasted two and half years of friendship over,
I wish them to be dead.
I was angry,
a storm of sorrow killed me,
and I became something I was not,
something I've always feared of being,
I turned into a monster,
only for a minute,
but it felt as if it were a lifetime.
My lip quivered,
my hands hurt,
my heart pounded,
my face turned pale and I went and parked the car;
and I prayed.
I tasted blood on the tip of my lounge,
and I didn't feel like myself.
I had a confession to make that day- and I made it...
I had to release it,
...at least it wasn't in a suicide note.
.2.4.2014.
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