An Atheist's Secret Lament

Oh, how I wish I believed! Shush... tell no one, but I want so desperately to believe in You-- and my absent soul. I would gladly trade Darwin and Freud, Marx and that man who speaks only through a computer. I would sell all of science, and spit on proud nihilism for a second's glimpse of your Eternity. But I cannot believe that You exist--how, how can you be real? To span a vast universe to know all, to be in all? The universe can exist without you-- it has its laws, we have our laws, we don't need yours! We're fine, fine-- just fine....