An Agoraphobics Anxiety

My head won't stop! It's going to pop, Trying to figure out what's right & what's not I want him to have a perfect life, Perfect woman, perfect wife He choose me to be her, not someone else or some other! But I'm scared I can't be what he deserves I'm an agoraphobic pyscho, no backbone, no nerves! I can't even leave past the front door, he needs someone else that can give him his wants & more I've let him down so many times, stuck in this prison I call my mind! He wants out, I want in, no dates, no days out, no meals nothing How can happiness be made without these things I hate to talk to anyone, I could just sit silent for all the time to come But surely he can't survive like that, explaining his fiancé is a gutless ****!! I've tried so hard to push it away, to go out my comfort zone at least once a day But the voices inside me have made it too hard, to even think of outside nearly stops my heart I wish I could be the me that I was, the me who was strong, the me who was boss!!! But that person has faded away, she hides in the places I can't find every day, she hides from me and everyone else, she hides from reality and stays by herself! How much more can my boys take? Watching me bend, then seeing me break, how much more can I put them through, knowing it hurts me but must kill you, watching defenceless as I self implode knowing if you try to help I will explode!!!! I'm sorry to you all for being me, I wish I wasn't, I wish you all were free, I know your love is what keeps you here, I wish It didn't, I wish you were free!!!!!!!