An abusers love

Dont speak of love, then strike my face
Dont promise me better treatment with false lips, my scars hold more fidelity and trust.
Dont tell me you miss me, for your wishes show, only to cast me off homeless without a goodbye 
Dont speak of Joy's embrace, when fear is all you have summoned 

Clueless hearts do not understand my misfortune
Can they decipher truths hidden behind my eyes?
Truly, it was all a game for power and manipulation 

Starved days came, hungry whispers I cried out
weeks without contact. protection you claimed, though it wasnt so
For months, that little room, a prison, I seeked freedoms breath
Years spent, unseen, unheard, tears unacknowledged, a silent heart wounded and revealed. 

Bought scar creams. marks faded, scars vanishing 
Embraced marijuana. anxiety subsided, relieved the strife 
Drank alcohol to make it all disappear numbed the pain as darkness whispered in my ear
Dressed in longer clothing to hide the bruises and marks revealed on my body 

I'm sorry I couldn't make you proud,
For I was just an embarrassment to you 
I'm sorry for words left unsaid, love unreturned 
I'm sorry for waking you up with my midnight tears
I'm sorry that my income for you was never to your satisfaction 
Forgive my for trying to stand up for myself
Forgive me for tending to my own mental health
Copyright © | Year Posted 2024

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January 27, 2024 at 9:40 AM
I "see" you, I "hear you", loud and clear.... And you do need to be rewarded for taking care of your mental health, not "forgiven" by a person whose actions do not show any kind of love or compassion.... I had to do my own research on trauma bonding by narcissists in my life... It opened my eyes to protecting myself. You are brave to post your poems. It is a step in the right direction towards self respect, and self love. Be proud of yourself. Seek help. Warm regards and a safe hug.... Aqua M.
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