Amnesia Or Lobotomy

I don’t know which is worse amnesia or lobotomy, one you have no control over and the other you can ask to receive One happens from an accident in which you didn’t want to lose your thoughts, and the other is used to rid your mind of monsters within your mind that crawls I used to wish for amnesia to just erase the pain away, so that I would no longer have to bear witness to these memories in my mind on display But then I thought that maybe a lobotomy would be a more fitting cure, because surely, I was insane after what you made me endure Promises, dreams, and love given so selflessly and then so bitterly snatched away, the thoughts and self-hatred you caused to be in me I live with till this day Questioning myself how I will go on without you by my side, and remembering the nights I would lie in the darkness just wishing to die For something to happen, to erase every memory of you and me, so that in my mind it never happened I thought that is what I did need And then telling myself I was crazy because of you I wanted to die, I should have been committed although I never tried You will never know the magnitude of what you put me through, you will never know that I felt this way and wished for it to be true You shall never know that your words eat at me every day, you will never know that I dream of a new beginning one without your face But that will never happen because although my mind may forget, my heart it never could, so whether I choose amnesia or lobotomy it wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t do any good.