Am I Supposed To Be Grateful I Survived This?

Anger, dolent, satisfaction. I dont understand the feelings What is it? Where is it? How can I avoid it? No, How can i get it? Satisfaction. I want it But the anger. The compressed emotions People uttered Whynis it still going around me? Covering every inch of my soul. I lost my mind atleast another thousand times Should I stop? But nothing is crueler than dream ends midway. I whelve the seed. Balter around it. Holding the most genuine smile Shinier than the gates of heaven Its not raining, just tears. of anger, hatred form into and ocean, when turns into a thread it could reach the sun It's a curious thing The death of a foe The helpless last breath When their heart is in my hand seconds before death How does it feels like Putting a foe underneath some sheet For them to never wake up The apple turns red. Beautiful How I wish to see it rots in their body Rots with the poison I created Oh, how beautiful it is Turning red to blue that ends with black If blinking save you from the hand of death, I would cut off my eyelids and make an art out of it Beauty is what I see Last breath step out. Far from the body Forced Mixed with thousand winds Goodbye to the screams Echoed in the hallway Hello to the creeping silence Dark but without it, we can't see the stars To surpass the monster, I'm willing to abandon my humanity I realized that anger is inevitable The life i created for myself In my head, crawling to the gates of reality Living peacefully in me The monstrous Nothing else, just stars