Alphabet Soup

i’m not really sure how to exactly describe how i am feeling but it’s somewhere between desolation and anger and depression and angst and loneliness and just feeling completely lost well i guess it’s more like a mixture of all the above; poisoned soup all the subheadings of my depression floating in it like alphabet noodles spelling out evil words in my bowl, swirling in the boiling liquid, taunting me to swallow them to choke them down, obey their commands finding their way onto my spoon and eventually into my stomach and into my head my head is a mess letters spinning across my mind, flashing in my eyes I’m kneeling over the toilet, throwing up the letters, shaking on the bathroom floor, hair across my forehead, not nearly as messy as my thoughts i stand up, it’s unreal like a feverish hallucination i wish it was only a hallucination i wish this wasn’t my reality i place my bowl in the sink, fill it with water, broth overflowing, letters spilling out much like the tears from my eyes the letters go down the drain, down into the pipes but the letters in my mind are there to stay -e.g.