Allow me to Lift the Curtain

Right up until you were honest I found hope in the regressing of your sentences From fine wine to a poisoned chalice Remembering you in the corner of the grocery store Sparked the overwhelming urge to run away Trying to navigate through the dichotomy of hiding from my future Vs. reliving the past through disguised mistakes Now I wake every morning just to panic over lost shades of getting dressed, Resenting my younger self for feeling depressed But my thoughts were echoes through the unmarked cave that is my head Like a lonely widow counting sacrifices at a bus stop, My chin hung low and quartered like stalactites now I gaze above to see everyone’s world subside to pretend like mine is not What color are your eyes this month? Well I wouldn't know I'm losing faith in showing up And I'm still gazing above for the promise you say you upheld I'm weeping by the wasteland while you find another soliloquy to whelve Say my name again through a hundred swallowed layers of “I've always thought I was better than you” Say my name again through a hundred ingested layers of “I don't even have to prove it's true” Relief is a rushing comet diverting helpless smiles above passing cars But how come they only rain in my inner outer space? They're shooting entitlement at our feet and calling it dancing with the stars I held the weapon with a pink slip; We had the motivation, but no coordination for hitting targets They asked what I upheld, But the gunpowder slipped right through my fingertips Like the underlying trauma you claim to not notice And the opportunities I gave you to shift your focus But don't blame yourself, I was withholding things anyways And please don't blame yourself! My mood was always more “withholding” anyways How many new scars have you obtained this month? I remember when I stood on the hill and held the flag While you shredded every contract binding us for a lifespan I'm losing faith in putting my heart into something And walking away a better man But this is what I’m told, This is what I’m taught And I wasn't the one with the alcohol in my veins, So I remained and fought I fought for me, I fought for you And even though I fought for family, I fought for freedom too This wasn't what I was taught This wasn't what I was told But I couldn't bear to watch you huddled by the fire, burning cold I’m watching cardinals turn to stone And crumble when they hit the ground But I’m shielding the eyes of the mother So I can carry the burden of broken pieces While her feathers fray by a familiar sound But I was taught to hold her head and her hand And I was innocence's favorite victim; I had the consciousness but couldn't quite understand Her feathers frayed, The hair on the back of my neck stayed pointed like utility blades I was taught to untie the rope but have it dangle on demand I was evil’s favorite puppet; I had the cogitation but could never truly understand