All Alone With Myself

No matter what, I can't do it. Bother someone else with my issues. After all I created all my problems, right? Of course I did, I needed no help in making them. And I need no help fixing them. No sir, I can do it all by myself. If I cry, I cry and no one needs to know. I'm grown up, crying is normal, I can handle it. My desires to have someone hold me, forget them. Don't want to be disappointed again, too much heartbreak. I work better with just me and myself anyways. Yep. I've no need to get used to someone loving or helping me. Too much trouble, I'm not worthy of anyone's love. I'm just not worth it, that's plain to see. Me, needing someone, someone needing me, nope. After all, I've made it this far in life, I can keep it up. What, you say? My appearing to need no one else, that's what! Don't even think you need me or I need you, not happening. I have loved a few times before, been there, done that. Crying myself to sleep or so hard I that can't see straight, no big deal. So what if someone out there cares or says they do. I will just mess them up or they will mess me up, right? Who wants to take that chance? The chance to be loved again. It's all so risky. I can deal with the tears and the fears, alone.
All alone with myself is just fine. I can cry as hard as I want to, no one will see my pain. I can scream at God or whomever, no one will hear me. It's just freaking great, except...
Except that I die a little each day I'm alone. I hate it's just me in bed, just me to get everything done, just me to talking to myself at midnight or driving or shopping or walking. You see, I only cry because I am alone. And I wouldn't scream if someone were here to share my pains. My pains of the heart as it beats alone because no one hears it. I suppose if I were honest with myself, I know this solitude is a killer. It kills my spirit and tries to snuff out my love for others. I have so much to give, my heart can't function properly alone. So, you see, all alone by myself is deadly for me. It's not natural for me, nor should it be for anyone. Oh well, back to being alone, for now, for a while, for God knows how long...
I'll just pretend I'm okay, I'll cry at night and silently scream during the day. I'll need no one unless you find me someone. I'll be fine and not go crazy.
Just hurry, please hurry, before I die too much one day.