Alive

I spent the last five years living in her shadow
so young, beautiful, and intelligent
and everyday he let me know what I was not

I did not do the things he liked, and we had nothing in common
she was the best he ever had, and I was just like death to him
I had his children I raised them by myself, still not good enough

His house was spotless, his children neatly dressed
I became a chef  and interior decorator even went to school, just to be his best
it wasn't enough I would never be good enough

Then she died her hair red to hurt me
20 something and now calling herself Red
and every single site I went she was there

To let me know how things were going to fair
my back broken and my neck along with his constant threats
I did this and I did that yet I never left the house

Soon he built a fence and pad locked it I was not leaving now
there she was killing my pets escaping arrest and yet he loved her
a college degree she was brilliant in math, not me 

I went through his hell and my own personal jail
I had it from all sides and I felt like I was going mad, broken I cried
I did and everyday I tried to move on from it all

All the stuff sent to me signed, love his Red
I got to where it felt like this horrible dream
so I left and moved back home in the night with my kids

I left him I left her I left them and the red left herself
I came home at 1 am with my daughter 
the lights came on and with the furniture gone I was shocked

Had I been treated like this had I endured it all for her
someone teasing me with my own traits of personality
not very original but he promised to get help and he did

Soon he saw what the truth was and he let her go
but today I thought of her as I held his frail hand
how bad I was in bed and ignorant he said he felt

Soon I did see myself as the angel who fell from heaven to hell
no one cared no one would care enough just to say how are you
not him not her not a single human being but my children

I heard his hate screaming at me and others yelling loudly
trying to hold onto my sanity going to the chapel every single Sunday
yet all I got was the most horrible things done and said

I finally felt as if... You love her go to her and be happy
I will buy the hair color and give her style pointers
a better push up bra for her youthful looks but God please help me

Just once not care enough to say GO TO HELL
 I was the one in hell alive

Just venting or ranting with no edit sorry. lol

Copyright © Danielle Wise Baxter | Year Posted 2012

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