Alcoholism
Anger, guilt and pain,
those are the only emotions
I feel; my skin crawls whenever
my mind flashes those painful
memories that I try my best to
forget.
Mornings are normal; I do my
every day chores like clock-work.
The daily grind embeds emotions
long since forgotten; their existence
remains a definition in a dictionary.
Night slowly comes and everything
changes into chaos.
The chime of bottles that I hide
suddenly calls to me and I
succumb to its dark grasp; its
claws sink deep into my heart.
Sadly, I do not listen to the angel
upon my shoulder that tries so
desperately to guide me into
the light.
As the liquid drowns my senses
the anger is released causing my normal
self to transform into a monster that
no-one knows.
Pain fuels my outbursts against
whoever is present regardless
of who it is I cause hurt and
unseen fear that they try to
hide in a futile attempt to
protect themselves.
The bottles dwindle but my
anger only increases; all those
years of hiding it has created
me into a ticking time-bomb
that no-one wants to be near.
The angel upon my shoulder
continues to provide guidance
but the liquid I have consumed
has caused its voice to become a
whisper.
Many things I have lost over
the years but I fruitlessly deny
my own faults.
Will I ever be able to resist
reaching for the bottle?
I do not know but the pain,
fear and loss I can no longer
endure.
Maybe one day I will
say those infamous words
and the angel upon my shoulder
will guide me towards the light
of inner peace and harmony.
Copyright © Leighann Anderson | Year Posted 2013
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