Ahoy - a Nautical Nightmare

[Written as a sort of sea shanty style thing-a-me-Bob. Tin Fish = Torpedo] When the tin fish hit me starboard I was thrown into the sea I sank down to the ocean bed for all eternity I met a man called Davy Jones who handed me a key I opened up his locker just to see what I might see But then I sensed my captain who came drifting up to me He gazed upon the locker with some curiosity I looked into the locker and was quite surprised to see A brandy for my captain and another one for me We drank the brandy down and then my captain looked at me He said do you feel squiffy and I said, ‘Decidedly’ I sprouted extra legs and then I hollered frantically It seems that Davy Jones has made an octopus of me But then I saw a mermaid and she winked suggestively Strangely she was right there where the captain used to be And then it dawned upon me that the mermaid once was he The captain sure was pretty now, but too much man for me He still had all his ‘tackle’ which was pointing straight at me I quickly crossed my legs - all eight - but then I couldn’t flee The captains mast was raised and he intended it for me I tried to swim for freedom as I screamed hysterically And then I felt my shoulder being shaken frantically The naval doctor said I wasn't drowning in the sea The medic blamed my diet and he made me this decree Don’t have cheese for supper or much later than your tea