Against the Grain
This is me
A guitar with no strings
A glass half empty
A bad bean
The blackest sheep
I am in pain
Inside I howl like a grieving mother
Like im decapitated and now my limbs are off.
I am in pain just like that
But why cant I ever be felt?
Its terrible
Spilling what is bottled up inside
Vulnerable is sad
Cry is disgusting
Because no one will ever be ready for the truth
So you get ostracized for being weak
Excluded by people that mattered to you
Then the big question is... Why?
But they say its all in your head
And the more you demand, beg for it...
It just doesnt work that way.
Reality hits you hard when you least expect it.
But whats striking is I never expect anything.
I love, give, trust, make everyone happy.
And at my downest, nothing was repelled.
The sun isnt shining, and I hope it rains.
Steady stares to nothing have come often.
I am now familiar with my breathing patterns
I can now distinguish the difference between americano and brewed just by its smell.
I am evolving.
Now sober and mostly alone.
A little silent but more resilient.
I dont want to feel but not be numb
I dont want to hear the talking but I despise the silence.
I want to hide but Im begging to be found.
I am vulnerable but I’m safe to touch.
I am real...
but why no one can ever really see me as much?
Copyright © Yvette Dignos | Year Posted 2018
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