Avery Sturgis Poet Free verse

Affliction

"You don't know what it's like" 

That's what I say, 

“I want to be like everyone else.” 

I know that sounds naive. 

Tell me though, do they all feel like this 

Lead, heavy and hot and useless 

Times of wild deception, 

Feverish highs that are quietly followed  

By wind-stealing blows 

 

"You don't know what it's like" 

That's what I say 

“You don't want to be like everyone else.” 

These devastating, tricky mind games 

Sight blurring and fading and I think I’m seeing stars. 

I want to scream, so fiercely,  

That it’s stuck, 

Lodged in my throat 

I could not get the breath to speak anyway 

 

"You don't know what it's like" 

That's what I mumble 

I want to be like everyone else! 

I try telling myself that it isn’t real 

Maybe I made up the headaches,  

This crushing weight in my chest 

I'm so frightened, "What if I did not?" 

How do I know if this is simple illusion? 

If this ceaseless, black terror is a fraud? 

 

"You don't know what it's like" 

That is what I wail, 

Now I am hoping for this all to be a dream 

So what if I want to be like someone else?  

Can't you see? 

I am just a shell,  

A fragment of who I was. 

Even if I could save myself, 

I can never return to who I used to be 

 

The shaky emptiness that felt like a blessing 

But now I fear letting go  

The pain of these howling emotions swarms my heart! 

 

...But if that's what I chose?  

Could I ever recover? 

From the shattered shards of who I would be  

The best choice is to let my consciousness fade 

 

As I ask myself, "Did you ever know what it's like?"

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