Addictive Liberations

I need to talk about addictions, about my addiction issues, and maybe yours. Addiction gets a deserved bad rap but that doesn't mean we have no more than mean-spirited possibilities. Our first addiction, and, for the lucky ones, the functional extended multigenerational multicultural families and liberating tribes, also the last, is love. Love, hidden or wide unwalled open for another human, another species, another culture, another part of Earth, and other, costly medicinal substitutes, Drugs and alcohol, guns and loud danger, cars and sex, coffee and comfort and convenience, beauty and enlightenment and luxury, notoriety and money and security, all poor substitutes for the nurturing feel and natural touch, nutritional smell and taste, native sight and sounds of love. I have two issues with addiction. One is my obsessive-compulsive need for my next, even better, fix what's broken. I find it humbling to be cravenly overpowered by physical and mental, natural and spiritual, want, By my longing to climax resiliently resonantly universally embraced by Earth's most incarnate and eternal esteem, communion, co-passion. But, physical addiction can be softened, eased, healed more readily and stadily if not for my shame and hide in the closet self-judgment, If not for my weak and sinful shadow nature, My need to hide my darkest fruit truths about not being in control of my own autonomous will power. And, so it is, I hide my greatest weakness, my greatest internalized enemy, and thereby feed and water feelings of guilt, self-blame shame, A failure to grow vulnerable love for others I cannot see in naked love and truth and transparent beauty because I fear to meet judging eyes and minds, voices conserving dismissive choices. Secret addictions have all my darkest powers of steadfast and cyclical disempowerment. Acknowledged addictions I can call out courageously, then curiously explore with my housemates, neighbors, teachers and parents, children and listeners, supportive groups of similar addicts, medicating absence of love's spiritual wealth without natural walls. Fears and angers spoken and named thereby weaken as love swells for positive addiction, Which, as long as not risked stays absent, even from our healing selves grasping mercy for becoming merely mortal and expecting my birthright of a health wealthy society good faith community family with multicultural addiction values and unlovely disvalues Summarized in GoldenRule behaviors and positively addicted open vulnerable transparent courageous actively curious gratitude attitudes of cooperative disclosure. This power of my unhealthy addictions lies more heavily in hiding my self secret depressions repressions suppressions dark impressions that true and beautiful, resonant and resilient love is too far above my emotional pay scale, worthy of our co-redemption, Too big a reach to try to open up again, to share my weak addictions and strong compulsions to feel and touch taste and see where love was lost while pursuing lesser hidden things.