Abuse
You weep without tears for a son now long gone.
But that is a lie.
Tears flow without being summoned,
When you don’t expect them.
Recalling a laugh,
or a cry,
or a moment in a happier time
or simply being there with him.
Still.
They just steal out like drops of sweat
Stinging your eyes.
You sniffle.
You pretend it’s nothing
You wipe your eyes
and sniffle.
A little.
The pain remains
When you see his smile
Hear his voice
And see his face
In an image that never fades.
So you focus on your daughter,
Herself long gone
Still alive,
But not to me.
Cutting you out of her life
For a folly.
For a foolishness.
For a fatuity.
For a fault.
For a failure.
For a frenzy.
A failure.
Cutting you out totally.
A folly that that haunts me
That keeps my granddaughter from me,
Forever.
I have seen her once.
For a few treasured hours.
On the far side of the world.
She smiles at me from my phone.
Is this all it will ever be?
I hope not.
Why do I not pray?
There is no point to that.
Ever.
Do I despair?
Do I analyse?
Do I question?
Do I rail against fate?
Do I blame?
Only myself.
Do I regret?
Yes.
Copyright © Lansell Taudevin | Year Posted 2018
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