Abandoned

Can you see the sadness behind my eyes?
would you be able to feel my pain?
think how it`s feel like 
to be by yourself and frightened
they left me like I am nothing
no mother, no father, no one to care for me
no one to raise me or teach me how to be human 
with no parents to refrain

The whole world was: too cold, too big and too cruel. 
no house or bed to go back to every night, 
I lie awake every night, alone under the bridge,
hungry like a Wolf.
overcome with panic, pain, and desperation
migraine that made my whole body throbs
developing a contaminated and stigmatized identity
I was a tender ember seeking solace from above...

I remember the pain I felt and wonder why
when my human needs were ignored, rejected and invalidated
living in a nightmare in the darkness of my soul.
tries to cry out for help, but soon learns that no one will listen
carries my denial like precious cargo without a port of destination.
Inside, my soul became so cold I hated everything and everyone
forced to alienate myself from reality and own experience
I wasn’t given permission to be my own person

It’s hard for me to admit that inside I feel a really lonely person. 
It is so degrading and I try to forget, it hurts so much because they are my parents.
I suddenly realized that my lifelong search for love 
and acceptance had finally ended in the arms of a foster parents and Roman Catholic Church.
I am a survivor because every day I make a choice 
not to be governed by their harsh words or actions.
Hiding my pain and acting strong, afraid to cry and show my tears,
I struggle with all this years later.”

The memories flood back, still so many years to go
hopping growing up will bring escape and freedom.

Thanks to my 
foster parents and Roman Catholic Church
I am a creative man who is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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Rycroft Avatar
October 22, 2015 at 11:31 AM
Hi Seth hope you have received the amended poem x Wendy x God bless you x your story has really touched me x
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:51 AM
Thank you for your story I hope you don't mind my correcting your grammar please email me on ..... [email protected] Wendy
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:44 AM
and acceptance, that had finally ended in the arms of my foster parents, and the Roman Catholic Church,
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:29 AM
It was so degrading, that I tried to forget, That they were my parents, and suddenly realized that it was my life long search for love,
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:26 AM
It was so degrading, that I tried to forget, That they were my parents,
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:23 AM
It was hard for me to admit that inside myself, I felt a real lonely person,
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:18 AM
Carried my denial like precious cargo,
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:16 AM
When my human needs was ignored! Tried to cry out for help, But soon learnt, that no one would listen,
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:10 AM
Migraine! that made my whole body throb, Developing and contaminating a stigmatized identity,
Rycroft Avatar
October 20, 2015 at 8:00 AM
Think how it feels ! To be by myself and frightened !
Mdutshane Avatar
September 15, 2015 at 4:51 AM
It's so sad but I believe whatever happened then God wanted you to be a strong,independent and responsible man and it served the purpose because today you are exactly what He wanted you to be.
Musinga Avatar
September 15, 2015 at 4:58 AM
Thank you
Musinga Avatar
September 15, 2015 at 1:58 AM
I love it, describing my pain.
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