Home » Poems » Cassie Dekker » A War Behind a Wall

A War Behind a Wall

A great wall covers me.
Hiding and hindering me.
Speechless, powerless, and helpless I grow.
Too fast, too good to be true.
With no hesitation, not even one minute was wasted.
Swept me out of my comfort zone, like a strong desert wind.

I become zero.
Living a shadow.
Hollow, and sorrow germinates my shallow mind.
Everyday, I swallow bitter saliva as my salary.
Confused and frustrated with myself.
This wall seems to be destroying all my self defences.
I'm now in a big box of fear; I'm so done with!
I struggle to find reasons to live.
Leaving sounds sweeter than living.

This is a vicious virus.
Where was my thinking faculty?
When did I become a fool?
Poverty! Oh, Poverty! Why punish me for running away?
I regret leaving you, at least you supplied me happiness.
You protected my dignity, and you kept my dreams alive.
I know it wasn't time, I rushed, so I'm being crushed.
Now I'm swallowed up into the belly of disappointment.
This wall is not going to move, it won't collapse.
It is feeding through me; slowly, and steady, by seconds
I'm being sliced.
Sad to say; I'm however, a dead man walking.
This body is too heavy for me, its draining me.
My lips are ashamed to answer the name.
The name is bigger than me, taller, and older than me.

My heart moans for its' identity.
My body weeps for its normal weight.
I'm too young, and Im too old, very odd.
I wish I could move this wall, break this wall,
And set myself free from this wall.
I can if I want to, but if I do, hidden skeletons 
Will come rushing,
Hurting not only me, but also some others, the master
minds!
I'm a lamb that has been scarified.
I dragged myself unknowingly, and I voluntarily 
Gave them my neck.
They knew better than me, but they didn't protect me.
Now they sit back and watch me fight to at least
Make the little time I have worthwhile.
This wall! This gigantic wall! I'm in war.

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