A Religious Man

I sat in church listening to the preacher Without hearing a single word he said I was thinking about the football scores And my favorite team instead As they passed around the collection plate I put my money in Wondering just what was the going rate To have God absolve you of your sin When it came time to share a sign of peace I turned to the pretty lady in the red dress Giving her my most pious smile Trying real hard to impress I shook the preacher’s hand at the door Saying I loved his sermon that day Anxious to get out of my tie And to be on my merry way As I stopped at the traffic light With the windows down in my new car A homeless man walked up to me And started talking real bizarre He said, “You know there’s nothing special about Sundays Nothing special about the building they call a church By simply going through the ritual You don’t improve what your soul is worth” “If you would rather be watching football games You can talk to me some other time when you are free And twenty dollars in a collection basket Doesn’t buy your soul out of poverty” “That lady in the red dress Is much too young for you And you have to fix the relationship you are in Before moving on to someplace new” The cars were honking from behind me Because the traffic light was green I turned around to shout at them Then turned back and that man was nowhere to be seen I drove the rest of the way home in a haze Wondering if I imagined the whole scene But when I turned on the football game That man was in a commercial on my screen “So think about the words I said And talk to me on your own time In a location of your choosing When you are in the right frame of mind” “I am always available to hear you And provide guidance along the way But the outcome of these football games Is not a thing for which to pray” So, I gave up church on Sundays And I donate to other charities instead And today I am a more religious man Always conversing with God inside my head