A Part of Me Was Dying

When I knew no healing elixir and no cure I never wanted to give you hopes Yet, I lied, beautifully lied, giving hopeless hopes Promising everything will be fine, soon But inside, a part of me was dying When I fed you passionately I never wanted to serve you tasteless food Yet, I fed, intensely fed, broken rice and sugarless protein Hoping for your strength to rise again But inside, a part of me was dying When your last breath grew closer I never wanted to sit and watch Yet, I sat, numbly sat, watched every breath of air Believing it is not the final one, unaware But inside, a part of me was dying When you slowly drifted to your eternal sleep I never wanted to make you fall asleep Yet, I stroked, gently stroked your hair, singing lullaby Longing for you to awake early tomorrow But inside, a part of me was dying When you gently took your final breath, so serene I never wanted to close your eyes taking away all vibrant colours Yet, I closed, softly closed, setting you free from nasal mask Knowing you are free from all earthly pains and sores But inside, a part of me was dying When they carry you out of our home, once we cherished I never wanted to walk behind you mourning Yet, I walked, silently walked, watched you go so far away Wishing for another day we would stroll hand in hand But inside, a part of me was dying When it was time for our final goodbye, so hard to face I never wanted to kiss your lifeless face Yet I kissed, deeply kissed every inch of your dearly face Paying our gratitude, love and affection For being my wonderful mom, carrying me in your womb For being my mentor, showing me the path of light For being my good friend, in joy and tear For being my shoulder to lean on, day and night For being my everything, endless love But inside, I was dying, declining to nothingness.