A Mother I'Ll Never Know

This was written by my girl friend, my love. I feel, even now, her last breath exhaled as I inhaled my first, people pressing running, attaching things to displace the inevitable. Her body strained through the delivery as I was wiped, whisked away shivering, crying it took some years to learn the realities My mother would never smile at me, see my first, most faltering steps, encourage first words feed what might best nourish me I thank her, don't blame her, though once I did, cursing her and the empty nights, in her absence. Things I felt then, I now know were tests, exercises in futility. My father, bless him, tried to hold life together some structure, but was unable, and agreed to give me to my now family, stable, growing, still flowing learning it isn't always therapy retracing the past denying. Her life was given, so that I might have mine, how does one refine such thoughts? Even now surrounded by love, knowing I am a part of something there are still the haunting thoughts.