A Moment In Time Pt.2

Sometimes I would look into their eyes and strait lace lie as if I was telling the truth. Sometimes I was disgusted in myself cause I would know the truth and I would lie so fast and decline to ever tell the truth. And you know once you lie you have to be committed to it, which only makes it worst. Consumed by the actually truth and not revealing it was the hardest trick, all most like the devil, turns out to be scary for the ones your in love with. But did I care NO, I continued to do the same, until that one did it to me. So when she did it, it crushed me, to the point to where I felt like I could not breathe any more and I fell to the floor like a bag of bricks. I was done, washed up, and almost jealous at her for that moment, so what do I do. They say to pick yourself up and to brush it off, but for me it was harder then that. It was like it sucked the life out of me. I had never felt lower in my life then at that point, it took awhile, a long while. But after years and years went bye, of soul searching and mind healing. I finally started to heal. Wish also lead to the end of the final stage of being selfish. Often in my life I was missed judged, under appreciated, miss used and then thrown away. Cautious of others, not wanting them to get close, so you know, here comes that cloak. Forced to be manipulative and to hide myself from the truth, and to keep anyone close to the truth, so close that it would be right under their nose, and they would never find out. Persistent in my approach, full throttle all the way. Confusion played a major part, cause if they weren’t sure about it, then how would they ever really know. Becoming so intoxicated with the game of it all, I can feel it taking over me. Dividing fact from fiction was an everyday chore, trying to remember what you told and who you told it to was a game in it self. Passionate to make everything work in my favor and a lot of times it did, but boy what a price, I would pay in the long run. Sometimes it would feel like I was on acid, from all the trails I was leaving, trashed to the point where you feel like, “Why did I do so much“. Thinking my swag was so strong that I just keep it moving on. The first stage of being misguiding has ended.