A Man From Duluth

There once was a man from Duluth whose habit was spinning the truth. He had told the same tale (every day without fail; 'twas getting quite long in the tooth). He sat down to drink in a booth then ordered a double vermouth. He said a tornado shaped like a potato had taken his poor wife named, Ruth! The men in the bar yelled, “Forsooth!” But one woman thought it was truth (the gal was a newbie who'd just smoked a doobie) and sent more vermouth to the booth. “The first time I ever saw Ruth,” he said, toasting her with vermouth, (Though usually crisp when he drank he'd a lisp), “wath back in my youth in Duluth. “She'd one perpendicular tooth. When she withled came her pet gooth. It wath love at firth thight and we wedded that night with her gooth on top of a mooth!” “We honeymooned outthide Duluth in a cabooth, just me and Ruth.” He then heaved a big sigh (he was getting quite high) “And of courthe the mooth and her gooth.” He took a big swig of vermouth and said that they never found Ruth. “Just an arm at the mall and her foot on a wall, pluth one thingle tooth in Duluth.” He wept as he pined for his youth, so the gal ordered up more vermouth. Then the telephone rang and the bartender sang, “It's Ruth, your ex-wife in Duluth. It's I telling you the sad truth about her and 'who goothed the mooth'! Now she wants a good check that won't bounce, you old wreck, like the last at Bank of Duluth!” The new gal cried, “Cad, You're uncouth! You gave your eyetooth it was truth of poor Ruth and her gooth, the cabooth and the mooth in Duluth, and all for vermouth!” The man said, “The truth in Duluth and why I keep hitting the juithe ith that Ruth and the mooth, the cabooth and her gooth were a nooth I had to cut looth!” The new gal cried, “There weren't no gooth, nor mooth or cabooth in Duluth! There was just poor old Ruth and some nooth that was looth, plus a drunk who soaked up the juithe!” The man from Duluth knew the truth, “Thereth no more vermouth. Whath the uthe?” So he crept out the back, but the rest knew the tack: he'd be back next day for vermouth!