Jay Kirk Poet Free verse

A Love Too Heavy to Hold

She loves me—
but I wish she didn’t.

I wish she would say she loves me.
I wish she would say she doesn’t.
I wish she would release me
from this endless war between knowing and doubting,
from the weight of wanting to love her
as much as she deserves—
and failing.

I ask her if she loves me,
again and again,
hundreds of times a day,
watching her eyes for something—
a flicker, a shadow, a sign
that maybe today she will say no,
and I will finally be free.

She wonders why I ask,
why my voice trembles
as if her love were a thing
I could break just by touching it.
She does not know
that I am not searching for her answer—
I am searching for mine.

If she did not love me,
I would not have to be enough.
I would not have to stretch my heart
into a shape it was never meant to take.
I would not have to fear
that one day, she will wake up
and realize I was never worthy of her love—
only of her leaving.

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