A Life of Almosts

She's lived a lot of "almosts" She almost drowned under the pulsing weight of the river's temperamental waters when she was 12 Later on, she felt time itself suspend as she spent her last few seconds wondering if death would take her quickly, while her car spiraled down the I-50, barreling off the ice-ridden road at a deadly 80 mph into a ditch. But it didn't She could have died riding top speed into the back of a jeep, but walked away from it, granted it took her memory Deep into the sweltering heat of the desert, she nearly escaped the strike of an infant rattlesnake, and walked away, unharmed, after slipping off the beautiful sandy red rockscape In spite of all these "almosts" the most dangerous time of her life was when the escape of sleep continuously escaped her, and her body could no longer regulate its own temperature, among several other things, including hunger, so she didn't eat a single thing for months while the tube down her pencil-thin throat continuously fed her, forever, it seemed, since none of the doctors could tell her what was wrong. That was the worst of all - not knowing - and the most dangerous of all because it left room for possibilities, probabilities and contingencies that only proved to be mere fantasies Over and over Over and over Over and overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr And over A cycle which holds space for only one capacity - insanity. Indeed, the most dangerous "almost" of her life was when hope not merely left her, but became her enemy, and her dreams of not only finding relief, but of coming to an understanding of the reality that was haunting her slowly fermented into a continual round of "almosts" and, finally, in the madness, one round almost hit her when she almost took her life. That was almost the last "almost" of her life These days she continues to daydream of finding answers, and reaching a full recovery as she learns how to wrestle with the desperately fickle personality of uncertainty and "almosts"