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A Lady With Smiling Face

Don’t know her name But whenever I see her Always with a laughing face, Sitting beneath the shadow of A large oak tree, on a wheelchair, Doing painting on a canvas mostly Rarely making garlands with gems At first rarely we met each other But gradually it becomes one Of my routine to walk on the way Beside her house only just to see her Nowadays I am very eager to know, But no way, did she make one time Even, paint my face on her canvas Or in her mind, I don’t know. I am a lonely man and a farmer .all of my love poems is only my dreams and imaginations .my vocabulary is limited .so i try to write poems as a common man speaks .i do not know much about Grammar .help me to improve all of my writings .i will accept all of your suggestions happily .jk

Copyright © | Year Posted 2012




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Date: 6/22/2012 1:11:00 AM
A few lines need revising, e.g 'At first rarely we meet each other' should read At first we rarely met each other.' And 'Rarely with making garlands in gems' should read Rarely making garlands with gems - leave out the 'with' . . . and a few others. Work on your syntax. I enjoyed reading it - particularly the final lines: 'Even, paint my face on her canvas/or in her mind, I don't know.' A great theme and ending. Keep persevering with the grammar jay'.
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Jayachandran Chakrapany
Date: 6/22/2012 1:28:00 AM
thank you .I have modified this poem as per your suggestions .thank you for your advice .jk
Date: 6/21/2012 10:50:00 AM
Perhaps you should have spoke to this friendly lady, after all she did smile at you, and you walked by : (
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Jayachandran Chakrapany
Date: 6/21/2012 11:13:00 AM
thanks .jk
Date: 6/21/2012 10:49:00 AM
You make the same mistakes that people who've been speaking English all of their lives have made so I've never really paid much attention to your errors specifically. I like that you're requesting help from the Poetry Soup community. Next time, for you, I will alert you of the mistakes I notice. But right now, it's either "doing paintingS on A canvas" or "doing A painting on A canvas" - you only have "doing painting on canvas" limited characters so message me on why if you'd like <3
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Jayachandran Chakrapany
Date: 6/21/2012 11:09:00 AM
thank you for your advice .I have modified this poem as per your suggestion .thank you very much .jk

Book: Reflection on the Important Things