A Hospital Stay Part IV

4. The Slippage All through the night of the day when the madness began Fever comes to visit me. In bed immobile, Sheets dampen beneath my filthy hair Shivering/Burning Shivering/Burning The night creeps on towards dawn No sleep precedes it. When at last it comes, It marks the point at which Breathing becomes my sole occupation Tests define my days I and the medical machines Begin to merge. New lines are attached daily; Monitors, nutrients, fluids, blood. In all directions they flow from me Until my metal caretakers and I are so interconnected That spongebathing becomes choreography. Meanwhile, outside Invisible killers roam at will, Dealing death and wounds Then moving on, like clouds across the sun. A siege mentality settles over the entire area The shadow of sudden, random death passes over all. My personal shadow lies upon my lungs, Quietly, steadily, pressing away my breath. The tests go on and on and on Blood is drawn 'til veins begin collapsing I feel like a prisoner of the Inquisition, Sustained solely by the spirit of those Good fortune makes my own: Wife, Children, Parents, Friends - All the best reasons, in short, to live - Never fail to help bear me up, Feeding me the honor of their concern. They fan me when I burn, Warm me as I shake with cold, Remind me of all the good Awaiting my return. Then at last there fell the evil day When they moved me back to the higher ward, The place from which one usually does not return, Chills washing me like Arctic waters, Shaking like an epileptic Fighting the mounting panic As I gasp shallow breaths Like a fish hauled aground. Since that time I've seen it claimed That suffocation brings the kindest death. Whoever wrote that Had a strange view of kindness. There followed a hard night of fear and confusion That passed into a dawn I never saw nor felt. At some undefined hour they wheel me back to Intensive, As Gulliver's god slides off the wall .... And everything comes to full stop.