A Fountain of Mice

My best friend was on the phone, laughing like a great aunt who had lost her mind “Joe thought it was dead, but then he saw it making reservations with the dog,” I informed her. “We have a bunch of mice here, many pregnant. Joe is sleeping outside in the car. Yes.... My husband of forty-eight years is a bit prissy about small black rodents full of diseases that run over his foot. I was in the attic now, a dreary place where I barely dared to put down my lemonade for fear bats would be dive bombing into it or disemboweled entities would be spooking the dog who was crying at the bottom of the steps she cannot climb. Scritch. Scratch. Scritch. Scratch. Scritch. I could not tell which pile or garbage bag was making this curious sound. Raccoons in the attic? Large insane squirrels? A homeless person living with us for the last sixteen years? “I have to go,” I told my friend. “Family emergency.” I clicked her off. My friends are okay with my rude ways, choosing to love me anyway. The noise kept coming. My attention was suddenly in a corner of a large wiggling garbage bag. A mouse popped out of the top of it and ran toward me. Then sixty-two more, a fountain of mice, running in all directions. I went downstairs and told my husband there was a black bag I could not lift. I wandered to the kitchen to fix myself a light lunch, my favorite, a peanut butter, Miracle Whip, lettuce sandwich. I had to scoot two mice off the top of the peanut butter lid. But I said "excuse me" of course. I nearly dropped a gallon of milk when I heard his scream. I imagine he scared every last rodent out of the house. Joe is my go-to-man.