A Discordant Christmas Carol

So, you want to buy a gift for that famous geezer. First, hear about the midnight shift of our Ebenezer. Late at night, he is concerned. It is December time, when, it's been confirmed, good people lose their minds. Some gristle in his soup upset his condition. Now, he is unable to regroup and sees an apparition. He peers out the windowsill, as that stew's injury lingers, standing so very still with cold and boney fingers. A guy intent to pin a rap - hear him moan and bellow like a bear caught in a trap, Marley, that poor fellow. Once a boy on a country lane, how did Ebenezer meet this fate? What happened to his brain, as he neared heaven's gate? Why could the Lord not spare the one good thing in life, yes, his sister who was kind and fair. Why cut his heart out with a knife? Why would I condescend to take a seat? I would not recoil. but rather retreat, than hear the mutton's painful bleat 'neath his blade as its heart still beats. Leave me ghost, blow out your lamp. I'll not see the moron's laughing face. as my nephew's knife, the devil's stamp, another life, it would erase. No, I'll not see the foolish face of the boy who took my sister away, who took her life, and with his replaced all on that tragic Christmas day. The ghost made Ebenezer sit and sigh as he watched his own body die. There was no one even there to cry as a worm crawled out his eye. You want a gift idea with merit? Perhaps a greasy goose. I won't bicker. If there's something you stand to inherit, a heart attack is indeed quicker, but for the man staring at his casket, I recommend a fruit basket.